Conversations Between George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin
INT: KITCHEN
George Clooney is kicking back with a small glass of scotch, satisfied after another gorgeous meal. Amal Alamuddin is on her laptop, deep in thought, when suddenly…
AMAL: George, did you pay that bill like I asked you to?
GEORGE: Bill who?
AMAL: No, the electricity bill.
GEORGE: I’m sorry, baby, I’m just not following you. The only bill I know is Bill Murray. Are you talking about Bill Murray? Do I owe Bill Murray money?
AMAL: Forget it.
*************
INT: DINNER PARTY
George Clooney is holding court with Tom Hanks, Don Cheadle, Matt Damon, Steven Spielberg and an assortment of other Hollywood heavyweights. He is speaking passionately about the forthcoming presidential election…
GEORGE: I don’t know, I just don’t believe that the guy behind KFC should be running for president.
AMAL (whispers in his ears): Honey, that’s Colonel Sanders. It’s Bernie Sanders who’s running for President.
GEORGE: Gentlemen, where would I be without my wife?
(laughter)
AMAL (muttering): I’ve made a huge mistake.
************
INT: FANCY RESTAURANT
WAITER: And here is your soup, Sir.
GEORGE: Thank you.
George proceeds to eat his soup with a fork and looks confused as it fails to catch any soup.
GEORGE: I think my spoon is broken.
AMAL (jaded): That’s a fork.
GEORGE: (slaps head) Of course! You truly are the brains in this marriage.
AMAL: (too horrified to respond)
***********
INT: BEDROOM
GEORGE: Good night, my love.
George starts clapping. Vigorously.
AMAL: George, what are you doing?
GEORGE: I’m trying to turn off the light.
He keeps clapping and it’s clear that it’s starting to hurt him.
AMAL: But honey, we don’t have a clapper. We have to turn off the light ourselves —
George isn’t listening. Amal forcefully grabs his hands.
AMAL: George. Stop it. George. George. Stop it. STOP IT.
George stops.
GEORGE (sighing): I’ve just seen so many movies where people clap their hands to turn off the light and I don’t know. I just thought… (trails off)
AMAL: (forced smile)
***********
INT: DINNER PARTY
Amal Alamuddin is regaling dinner guests with tales of her favourite cases. Everyone is enthralled.
AMAL: So long story short, I lost that case. But, like I always say… you can’t win Amal!
Amal takes a sip of red wine, delighted with her little joke, as everyone around her laughs. Except George.
GEORGE: I don’t get it.
AMAL: Sorry, hon?
GEORGE: I don’t get the joke. You just said, “You can’t win ’em all.” What’s funny about that?
Guests look on aghast.
AMAL: So… my name is Amal. Which kind of sounds like “’em all”. So it’s, like, wordplay. Do you get it now?
George pauses until he finally understands the joke. Embarrassed, he tries to play it off.
GEORGE: Um yeah. Joke’s on you. I got it all along, actually. That was just one of my classic pranks. Haha! Gotcha!
AMAL: Okay.
Nobody makes eye contact with George for the rest of the night.
************
INT: The Clooney House
Amal is looking for George.
AMAL: George? Where are you? Or, should I say, “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” (chuckles)
She steps into the utility room where she finds George with a bucket on his head.
AMAL: George, why is there a bucket on your head?
GEORGE: I thought it was a hat :(
