Rose of Tralee: A Monologue
Hello Dáithí, how’s she cutting? You’re looking rather sharp this evening! It’s not often I wear a lovely dress like this — usually I’m wearing my county jersey, you see — so I’d like to say a big thank you to Imelda from Lovely Dresses in Ballynamuck for giving me this lovely dress. Where do I begin? I’m a primary school teacher and I want to say a big hello to 1st Class in St. Clare’s NS who are staying up past their bedtime to watch me! Hello lads! Ah sure, they’re very good, aren’t they? Not an ounce of trouble. *knowing wink*
What else? I’ve been known to collect for the black babies in Zaire and Rhodesia. What’s that? They’re not called that anymore? Sure Jesus, I wouldn’t know — ’tis far from Africa I was raised! But in all seriousness, I love rashers and I have a very funny story I’d like to tell if that’s okay. When I was a little girl, I loved rashers so much that my granny Peggy McBride, WHO IS 87 YEARS OLD AND HERE TONIGHT, told me that the reason I loved rashers so much was because my Mammy and Daddy were rashers! And I believed her until I was 19 years old!
Anyway, I have a boyfriend. His name is Cormac and we are both involved in Young Fine Gael. *suddenly strident* And actually, Dáithí, I’d just like to say that I think it’s desperately sad that young people are so apathetic when it comes to politics. *calms down* Anyway, Cormac has met Daddy and Daddy didn’t kill him, so that bodes well, ha, ha, ha. Ah no, I’m only messing. I am a Daddy’s girl, though, and I would marry my Daddy if I could, but sadly, Ireland just isn’t quite ready for that yet. So it’s not, Daddy?
My fellow Roses are the best girls you could ever hope to meet and the best craic ever. Ontario was my roommate and we were up until the wee hours this morning sniffing Pritt Stick and reminiscing on all the things we’d robbed from Claire’s Accessories over the years. As my granny Peggy McBride, WHO IS 87 AND HERE TONIGHT, would say, it was mighty craic.
Now Dáithi, if you could hold my shoes, I’m going to try break the Guinness World Record for First Person Ever To Say Mayo For Sam With 38 Marshmallows In Their Mouth.
