You’re Invited To An Anti-Choice Photo Shoot!

A chairde,

Are you a middle-aged or elderly male politician? Do you like your steaks burnt to a cinder? Are you suspicious of women who drink pints of beer? Do you get squeamish at the mere mention of the word ‘tampon’?

If this is you, we would like to cordially invite to an anti-choice photo shoot taking place tomorrow!

Whether you are passionately prolife or simply hedging your bets lest you be disowned by Middle Ireland, you are encouraged to come along and show your support.

Please see below for details.

Time and location

The photo shoot will take place at 3pm tomorrow in a nondescript courtyard that says, ‘This will do, sure.’

The photographer has advised that we will have thirty seconds to get the photo. That means there will be no do-overs so please try not to blink or get distracted by trucks carrying livestock.

Attire

The dress code is country funeral casual. Suitable outfits include: an ill-fitting suit without a tie; a dress shirt with bootcut jeans; an O’Neill’s windbreaker and dress pants.

Please note that anyone wearing chinos will not be permitted to take part in the photo shoot. As far as we are concerned, chinos are for regattas and barbecues hosted by Protestants.

Posing

Abortion is a divisive, emotive issue. Some of you may be wondering how to pose for an anti-choice photo shoot. “Should I smile? Should I scowl? Should I shake my fist?”

Here’s a little trick I learned: when posing for an anti-choice photo, don’t let anything about your face or demeanor betray the fact that you’re campaigning against women’s healthcare.

Instead, adopt a sly expression, put your hands in your pockets, and pretend you’re boasting about what a good driver you are after three pints.

Or, if drink-driving makes you a little uneasy, imagine you’re offering advice as to how one might go about buying a cheap used car up North. Whatever makes you feel comfortable!

(Please feel free to reply to this email with tips on how to look confident and superior in photos!)

Signage

We will require three volunteers to hold signs tomorrow. Please note that the signs are pink. We are acutely aware that many of you are just about getting to grips with the concept of wearing salmon pink shirts to weddings and may not wish to be photographed holding a pink sign.

This is absolutely fine. Nobody will be forced to hold a pink sign against their will.

Optics

We haven’t given this much consideration. Is it important?

We suppose we want this photo to say, ‘I love both women and babies… even though I actually stayed in the waiting room while my wife gave birth to our children and went to my local pub immediately afterwards.’

If you have any thoughts, ideas or concerns, please get in touch. Otherwise, looking foward to seeing you all tomorrow!

P.S: Don’t forget to bring your leather wallet phone case!